I have set myself up for a major challenge. My goal is to run a half marathon (21 km) end of November. Why am I doing this? It is for a good cause – supporting the great work of Central Coast Kids in Need.

Fortunately, in our endeavour we enjoy the guidance of professional trainers who have set up this project – Run 4 Kids. I am not a runner, actually more of a walker/runner and preferably on the beach. After 4 weeks in training, and my first 10 km run, I am confident that there is a runner in me.

I also came to the realisation that the steps I need to make to be successful, are similar to any situation where I want to make a change. Here are few lessons I want to share with you.

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21 km is a very long run, and a big challenge for me. It will not be easy, the training is hard. However, I trust it will be the small steps that will get me across the finish line.

What do you do when you don’t know how things will turn out?

Uncertainty is such a normal part of our life. On the other hand, there are situations where it effects us so profoundly, it either overwhelms us, motivates us or gives us hope.

In some situations you might thrive on that feeling of not knowing. Maybe you decide to strengthen your relationship with family and friends, or learn to live more consciously, maybe want to learn more about what you don’t know.

However, in other situations, uncertainty can invite anxiety and worry. It is in those times to remind yourself that you happily live with it in many other situations in your life.

Instead of fighting this particular uncertainty, maybe it is time to sit with it and allow it into your life.

Ask yourself these questions:
Can I think of a situation in my life where I was confronted with the reality of uncertainty?
How did I manage this uncertainty? How did I manage the anxiety and worry that came with it?
Can I think of a situation in my life where not-knowing showed me other possibilities of doing?
Can I think of an example where I experienced uncertainty as a gift?

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To see how others have learned to look at uncertainty, watch this remarkable talk:
Stacey Kramer offers a moving, personal, 3-minute parable that shows how an unwanted experience — frightening, traumatic, costly — can turn out to be a priceless gift.

What are the situations and areas you feel comfortable in?

If you ever watched The Simpsons, you know that Homer loves sitting on his couch, wriggling into the “grooves” that have never failed to support him.

Feeling comfortable is a great thing and something we naturally strive for. However, there is also the other side of that coin. Staying with what you already know, can hold you back from growing or challenging yourself. From doing things differently. From trying something that you don’t know yet.

Think of something you would like to change in your life. It can be something really small. Do you put yourself out there, do you step out of your comfort zone? Or do you stay where it feels comfortable for you?

Doing something new is about taking a risk. However small, it often comes with that nagging feeling of unease. Though, if you never try, how will you be able to change anything?

Ask yourself:
Where do I comfortably sink into? Am I ok with that?
Would I be willing to stretch my comfort zone?
What would be different if I would step out of my comfort zone?

Small actions often seem to be the way out of situations that overwhelm us. This is my experience in working with people who find themselves in dark spaces or in the grip of a strong hold.

Sometimes you might think big gestures are the only way forward. However, when you feel overwhelmed, small actions are really your ticket to change.

Small steps only take a minimum of energy and are easier to maintain. When you are already overwhelmed could you imagine having to do something really big?
All those small changes that you create will spread out and build your path forward.

A daily practice. Integrate your small actions into your daily life. Not the one-off actions, but the things that you do every day are critical to moving forward.

Years ago, I learned to use my breath in order to reduce stress. Back then, I had days where I would wake up and didn’t know where to begin. Breathing only took a few minutes at a time and I practiced daily. Those few minutes a day seemed small and insignificant, but after a few weeks I saw improvements in how I handled stress. Now, using my breath is normal for me and it turned out it was only the beginning of making many small changes that helped me reducing my stress and move forward.

You, too, can start taking a small step today.
Think of one thing what you would like to change or improve in your life.
Now write down the smallest action that you could take on a daily basis.
Start today and do it. Give yourself a couple of weeks and see what is happening.

Recently I did a workshop in Sandplay. As the name already suggests, you literally play with sand in a small tray. When you are done arranging the sand you choose figures from a vast variety of figurines and put them in the tray. No limitations, no thinking involved.

The process in Sandplay makes the unconscious visible through creative play.

Sounds weird? I have tried it myself, and it is surprising what my unconscious was telling me through the play, the sand formation and the figures. Each element told me a story. My beliefs, thoughts, patterns, my mind were on display. It told me about where I had come from, where I am heading and how I was going to do it.

Gail Pemberton who gave the workshop uses Sandplay for individual and couple counselling, and in the corporate environment. She is a wonderful person, curious and engaging and very much in the moment.

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Get out a piece of paper and a pen, and then write down all the sounds you can hear within a 5 minute span.

It is an incredibly simple exercise, but it helps cultivate skillful listening, and it makes you aware of things in your auditory world that you are otherwise unconscious of. Here is an example of a short two-session practice I did the other day. The first is in the afternoon, the second is later that night:

SEPT 23 – SOUNDS – 2:00PM – 2:05PM – Outside – Backyard – Sunny Day

Planes
Wind in trees
Wind pushing against fence
Birds chirping
Cricket chirping (faint)
Construction work
Wind chimes
Cars driving (in distance)
Fly buzzing
Motorcycle (going fast)
Helicopter
Water hose
Dog barking


SEPT 23 – SOUNDS – 9:30PM – 9:35PM – Outside – Backyard – Clear Night
Planes
Pond waterfall (loud)
Crickets (lots!)
Eminem song playing
Someone cough
Gate rattling
Door open
Cars driving
Motorcycle

Have you recently felt trapped, perhaps frustrated, angry or you found yourself doing things you didn’t really want to do?

If yes, then maybe it is time to think about your boundaries. Do you know what you want to let in and what you want to keep out in your current life. Have you verbalised your boundaries to others around you. Think of your partner, your children, your parents or people you work with.

Setting boundaries is an act of self-care and respect for yourself. It is about the things and behaviour you want and don’t want or just can’t do. Sometimes it is difficult to say no, because you might feel selfish or you feel you should do it. However, ask yourself, how much are you willing to accept, how much can you handle, how long, what has to give…

Start finding out about your boundaries, so that you can act according to them, more often. And don’t forget to educate others about them, so that they can respect them.

The more insight we have in our field of expertise the more difficult it becomes to communicate those ideas clearly. (“The Curse of Knowledge” in Made to Stick)

Have you ever wondered who the expert is in your life?

It is you.

Unfortunately, your expertise can sometimes get in the way of engaging people to support you in times when you need it.

We know so much about our experiences, that we often assume others know too. We therefore expect them to understand how they can help us.

Yet, how can they. It is not them but you who has all the knowledge about what is going on – your thoughts, your feelings, your pain, your beliefs, your emotions, your experiences, your interpretations, your dreams, your hopes.

So, invite people to see beyond your surface. Make them your partner in helping you through a difficult time. Combine your and their expertise.

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So, now try and take on the role of an outsider to describe one of your experiences. An experience only known to you.
Ask yourself what is it the other person needs to see and know in order to help you in a way the really supports you.