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Posts Tagged ‘support’

Dream, Dare, Do

Thursday, July 29th, 2010


Thinking about the kind of changes you want to make in your life is an important first step to take. Maybe you want to feel better, improve the relationship with your partner or want to have a better job. Where most of us get stuck is how to translate our wish for change into actions. There is often a big gap between knowing what you want to change and actually doing it. At times it can be overwhelming because you don’t know where to start or fear comes in the way.

Ben Tiggelaar, bestselling author, researcher and speaker in the field of leadership, change and human behavior has written about what it takes to go from thinking to doing in “Dream, Dare, Do”.

Here are some useful tips from his article I want to share with you:

1. Your daily behaviour determines the results in your life. The things you do every day are critical.

2. When you translate goals into specific behavior you significantly increase your chance to achieve those goals.

3. You don’t have to become a different person, when you want to change. Just be more like yourself as you are in your best moments.

4. Become aware of your exceptionally good moments and describe in detail what you are doing in those moments.

5. Plan ahead. Come up with actions you can apply in times when you encounter obstacles or setbacks.

Read in more detail how you can make lasting change here.

5 ways to get unstuck

Tuesday, July 6th, 2010


Last weekend at the beach this surf rescue car got stuck in the deep sand. There was no way this car was moving again without using some tools for digging. A few passersby were offering their help, but the strangest thing happened. The surf lifesaver didn’t talk to them or give them any instructions on how they could help him to get the car moving again. Those helpers left one by one, with the result that the car was still stuck in the sand, going nowhere.

This reminded me of people who get stuck and find it difficult to take actions that would help them to get going again. Whether they are in an unsatisfying job, in an unhealthy relationship, or they are stuck in habits, on ideas and beliefs. It is not that they don’t try to get out, it is just that the strategies they use don’t seem to work and therefore keep them where they are. Sometimes all is needed is a new perspective – a new point of view…

Let’s do a short exercise. Take the room that you are in right now. Stand up and take a good look around. All seems probably familiar to you. Now put your head down, like you would want to touch your feet with your hands. In case you are a yoga master you can do a hand stand. Now take another look at your room. How does the room look like to you? Maybe a bit different, up side down, the corners seem to have transformed or you even discovered something new in there?

This is what happens when we take a fresh look at something we already seem to know. One of the ways to get a new perspective is to ask a friend for help. Though effective, many don’t consider this strategy as their first choice.

Find out how you can involve a friend and four other ways to get yourself unstuck:

Ask a friend for help
Some people might say, that they don’t want to be viewed as someone who is complaining all the time. Asking a friend for help is not complaining. On the contrary, you actually tell that person what you need from her/him. When we complain, we don’t let others how they can help us.
There are three things you need to do to make this work:

    - Make sure the person you ask is willing to be open and honest.
    - Whatever her/his response and comments, don’t try to defend your point of view. Just listen and be open.
    - Be specific about what you are experiencing and how your friend can help you. Sometimes expressing your experience in words is all it takes. Other times you might want to hear your friend’s feedback.

Create a temporary change
Sometimes when we are stuck we seem to dig ourselves deeper into the sand the more we dwell on it. It helps then to just stop what you are doing and do something else. Take a walk and enjoy what you see or close your computer, turn off your phone and enjoy doing nothing for 10 minutes.

Let go
Holding on to narrow views, to wishes, to an idea, an event or even conventions can result in getting ourselves stuck. Start to become aware what you are holding on to and write those things down. This will allow you to understand which views, ideas, or beliefs keep you stuck. Then you can start to…

Find new points of view of the situation
As discussed previously, we limit our options simply by the narrow way we see it. Look at the situation that you are stuck in, like you would observe a box. Take it in your hands. Play with it, turn it up side down, to the side, further away, closer by, look at the colours in different lights, and so on. Now be just as curious with the situation that you are in. It is not always easy to actively see things that we so long kept hidden. Try it anyway. What do you have to lose. You might find a way out. Start observing and describe what you see.

Make an assessment
Write down where you are now and where you want to be. Be honest to yourself, and just write it down with the intention of changing it. It is not about wallowing in it but to learn to be honest to yourself, no matter what you are thinking or feeling.

You might also want to read:
Who is on your support team ?

10 important questions to ask yourself

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010


  • What direction am I heading?
  • What do I want my life to stand for?
  • What do I value in my relationship with others?
  • What sort of relationships do I want to develop?
  • What is most important to me in relation to work/home/family/friends/myself?
  • What is guiding my decisions?
  • What actions can I take that reflect my values?
  • When was the last time I made a decision based on what I believe in?
  • How do I want to act towards myself?
  • What am I doing right now?

You might also want to read:
What are you doing, right now?
What motivates you
Do you know your why?
Do you know where you are going?

Image: takomabibelot

Who is on your support team?

Tuesday, May 18th, 2010

Bridging the East River by Randy Wick / © Some rights reserved.

I frequently talk to people who struggle with the experience of being alone when facing change. They don’t think they can call on a friend or family member and feel overwhelmed at times. Here are some tips that can help you build your own support team.


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