Home About Services How I Work Contact Blog

Posts Tagged ‘possibility’

Wherever you go, there you are

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

august10_wherever-you-go

Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book “Wherever you go there you are” is one of those books I haven’t put back on the bookshelf after I finished reading it. From time to time I just re-read one of its short chapters. Sometimes as a reminder, inspiration or to regain some simplicity in my life.

Over the last few years I have gradually integrated mindfulness in my life. This practice helps me live my life fuller and more aware. It fosters my curiosity and opens a door to all my emotions, feelings, thoughts and visions in my life. The more mindful my way of living becomes the more freedom I feel I create wherein I can make choices and welcome changes.


I want to share with you a few things I have learned

1. Become aware of what is going on in your body and your mind.

2. Get in touch with the many aspects of your life. The dark faces, the pain, the fear, the happiness, the joyous moments, habits, assumptions, judgements, struggles, your beliefs.

3. Acknowledge that what is happening is happening.

4. The more you practice mindfulness the more you will see things clearly and you will be able to position yourself differently in relationship to them.

5. Let go: Holding on to your struggles, your likes and dislikes, hold you back in discovering and expanding your possibilities. Allow things to be as they are for you to find your own way.

6. Find your moments of simplicity: Even in a life where you have to manage family, work, children, friends, etc.
Choose to do one thing at a time. Start with small things. Do them mindfully.

7. Stop what you are doing: From time to time, take time out to observe what you see, hear, feel, what is happening around you.

8. Ask yourself “Where is my mind right now?” Do this a few times a day. You will be surprised how often your mind is not here, but visiting other places.

“You can’t stop the waves but you can learn to surf”

Swami Satchitananda in “Wherever you go there you are”

You might also want to read:
Video: Mindfulness with Jon-Kabatt ZInn

Dream, Dare, Do

Thursday, July 29th, 2010

dream-dare-do

Thinking about the kind of changes you want to make in your life is an important first step to take. Maybe you want to feel better, improve the relationship with your partner or want to have a better job. Where most of us get stuck is how to translate our wish for change into actions. There is often a big gap between knowing what you want to change and actually doing it. At times it can be overwhelming because you don’t know where to start or fear comes in the way.

Ben Tiggelaar, bestselling author, researcher and speaker in the field of leadership, change and human behavior has written about what it takes to go from thinking to doing in “Dream, Dare, Do”.



Here are some useful tips from his article I want to share with you:

1. Your daily behaviour determines the results in your life. The things you do every day are critical.

2. When you translate goals into specific behavior you significantly increase your chance to achieve those goals.

3. You don’t have to become a different person, when you want to change. Just be more like yourself as you are in your best moments.

4. Become aware of your exceptionally good moments and describe in detail what you are doing in those moments.

5. Plan ahead. Come up with actions you can apply in times when you encounter obstacles or setbacks.

Read in more detail how you can make lasting change here.

Create space for clarity

Tuesday, July 13th, 2010

create-space-for-clarity1

In the weekend I listened to an interview between Björk and Arvo Pärt. Two of my favourite musicians. Both of them, though in different genres, have developed their own unique style of music. In this short interview Björk describes to Arvo Pärt how she experiences his music: “you give the listener space”. This really fascinated me. An image immediately emerged: I was moving and floating between the sounds in a white room. It also reminded me how much clutter there often is in our life. This clutter or noise prevents us from moving around. Arvo Pärt uses sounds sparingly. He doesn’t want to waste musical notes as a filler or background. If you are interested listen to his piece “Für Alina”.

This interview reinforced the message that there is this space where we have the freedom of choice. Take this excerpt from Victor Frankl’s book “A man’s search for meaning”*

    Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.



Unfortunately, sometimes we fill up this space with clutter and forget it even exists. The result. We don’t think we have any choice but are at the whim of what is directing us. Think of a time when you were highly stressed. Did you feel you had the power to make decisions within that situation?

How can you re-create this space?

Simplify and emptiness

    “ I felt the need to concentrate on each sound, so that every blade of grass would be as important as a flower” - Arvo Pärt

In his music Arvo Pärt is giving the listeners time and space to give attention to just one sound at a time without being distracted by any background noises. Also photography, art, or story telling, aims to direct our attention to just one spot. Artists create a focal point and therefore create clarity and space for us to move around and to make meaning for ourselves. Each sound or focal point has an empty space in and around it. This space creates the possibilities for growth, for explorations, for improvements and for change.

The more clutter we have in life the more confused and uncertain our life seems. Take the beginning of your day, how did you wake up this morning. Already planning the day while you were brushing your teeth? This is a great way to fill your empty space before the day has even started. Maybe you want to start your day tomorrow by just focusing on what you are doing. When you brush your teeth just observe how you do that, how the brush feels. When it is time to plan what you have to do on that day, just do that.

Here are a few questions that you might want to ask yourself

How much space do you have between the sounds in your life?
What area in your life you feel is too cluttered, or maybe too foggy to see clearly?
How could you start to create some empty spaces?
What are the sounds that you make? Which of them are necessary, which ones are just fillers?

I am curious what you do to get more clarity and transparency for the different areas in your life?

You might also want to read:
How to reduce distractions and stay focused
Do you know where you are going
A fresh sheet of paper

* “A man’s search for meaning”: this is Frankl’s personal essay of his imprisonment in Auschwitz and other concentration camps and describes the psychotherapeutic method that he pioneered as a result of his experiences in the concentration camps.

Believe in your abilities

Thursday, July 8th, 2010

believe-in-your-abilities2

For years I had admired the people who made the step and created their own business. I just could not imagine doing that for myself, although I was playing with the thought. Just thinking about it was a safe game – no risks attached. However, nothing ever happened, I was safely working in my job while dreaming of how things could be different.

What I was missing was the confidence that I could actually do it. People who believe that abilities can be developed, will experience more success in life. In her book “Mindset”, psychologist Carol Dweck, describes that people who have this growth mindset find it easier to adapt, to overcome difficult times in their life and find it easier to make changes.

I certainly did not believe that I had it “in me” to set up a small business. Obviously, this has changed. But how?

I started by getting to know myself a bit better. To learn about the different parts of me. The fears, the beliefs, my ideas, my anxieties, my happiness, my dreams, my values and so on. In this process I realised that I had developed many abilities in my life, which opened countless possibilities. For instance, I moved to different countries, adapted to new cultures, learned new languages and learned how to manage the loneliness that often comes with those changes. And I know there are still so many things I want to learn and I need to learn about myself.

The more I became aware of all those skills that I have developed throughout my life, the more I knew I was also able to learn what it takes to set up business.

Recently I came across this quote by the beautiful writer Gabriel Garcia Marquez. It reflects how I see and experience life.

“… human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but … life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.”



What have you learned about yourself in the last week, last year?
What did you bring into existence in your life? How did you make this happen?

You might also want to read:
A fresh sheet of paper
Conversations with my pink elephant


Image: Wesley Fryer

5 ways to get unstuck

Tuesday, July 6th, 2010

5ways-to-get-unstuck1

Last weekend at the beach this surf rescue car got stuck in the deep sand. There was no way this car was moving again without using some tools for digging. A few passersby were offering their help, but the strangest thing happened. The surf lifesaver didn’t talk to them or give them any instructions on how they could help him to get the car moving again. Those helpers left one by one, with the result that the car was still stuck in the sand, going nowhere.

This reminded me of people who get stuck and find it difficult to take actions that would help them to get going again. Whether they are in an unsatisfying job, in an unhealthy relationship, or they are stuck in habits, on ideas and beliefs. It is not that they don’t try to get out, it is just that the strategies they use don’t seem to work and therefore keep them where they are. Sometimes all is needed is a new perspective – a new point of view…

Let’s do a short exercise. Take the room that you are in right now. Stand up and take a good look around. All seems probably familiar to you. Now put your head down, like you would want to touch your feet with your hands. In case you are a yoga master you can do a hand stand. Now take another look at your room. How does the room look like to you? Maybe a bit different, up side down, the corners seem to have transformed or you even discovered something new in there?

This is what happens when we take a fresh look at something we already seem to know. One of the ways to get a new perspective is to ask a friend for help. Though effective, many don’t consider this strategy as their first choice.

Find out how you can involve a friend and four other ways to get yourself unstuck:

Ask a friend for help
Some people might say, that they don’t want to be viewed as someone who is complaining all the time. Asking a friend for help is not complaining. On the contrary, you actually tell that person what you need from her/him. When we complain, we don’t let others how they can help us.
There are three things you need to do to make this work:

    - Make sure the person you ask is willing to be open and honest.
    - Whatever her/his response and comments, don’t try to defend your point of view. Just listen and be open.
    - Be specific about what you are experiencing and how your friend can help you. Sometimes expressing your experience in words is all it takes. Other times you might want to hear your friend’s feedback.

Create a temporary change
Sometimes when we are stuck we seem to dig ourselves deeper into the sand the more we dwell on it. It helps then to just stop what you are doing and do something else. Take a walk and enjoy what you see or close your computer, turn off your phone and enjoy doing nothing for 10 minutes.

Let go
Holding on to narrow views, to wishes, to an idea, an event or even conventions can result in getting ourselves stuck. Start to become aware what you are holding on to and write those things down. This will allow you to understand which views, ideas, or beliefs keep you stuck. Then you can start to…

Find new points of view of the situation
As discussed previously, we limit our options simply by the narrow way we see it. Look at the situation that you are stuck in, like you would observe a box. Take it in your hands. Play with it, turn it up side down, to the side, further away, closer by, look at the colours in different lights, and so on. Now be just as curious with the situation that you are in. It is not always easy to actively see things that we so long kept hidden. Try it anyway. What do you have to lose. You might find a way out. Start observing and describe what you see.

Make an assessment
Write down where you are now and where you want to be. Be honest to yourself, and just write it down with the intention of changing it. It is not about wallowing in it but to learn to be honest to yourself, no matter what you are thinking or feeling.

You might also want to read:
Who is on your support team ?

Back to top