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Posts Tagged ‘change’

Create space for clarity

Tuesday, July 13th, 2010

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In the weekend I listened to an interview between Björk and Arvo Pärt. Two of my favourite musicians. Both of them, though in different genres, have developed their own unique style of music. In this short interview Björk describes to Arvo Pärt how she experiences his music: “you give the listener space”. This really fascinated me. An image immediately emerged: I was moving and floating between the sounds in a white room. It also reminded me how much clutter there often is in our life. This clutter or noise prevents us from moving around. Arvo Pärt uses sounds sparingly. He doesn’t want to waste musical notes as a filler or background. If you are interested listen to his piece “Für Alina”.

This interview reinforced the message that there is this space where we have the freedom of choice. Take this excerpt from Victor Frankl’s book “A man’s search for meaning”*

    Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.



Unfortunately, sometimes we fill up this space with clutter and forget it even exists. The result. We don’t think we have any choice but are at the whim of what is directing us. Think of a time when you were highly stressed. Did you feel you had the power to make decisions within that situation?

How can you re-create this space?

Simplify and emptiness

    “ I felt the need to concentrate on each sound, so that every blade of grass would be as important as a flower” - Arvo Pärt

In his music Arvo Pärt is giving the listeners time and space to give attention to just one sound at a time without being distracted by any background noises. Also photography, art, or story telling, aims to direct our attention to just one spot. Artists create a focal point and therefore create clarity and space for us to move around and to make meaning for ourselves. Each sound or focal point has an empty space in and around it. This space creates the possibilities for growth, for explorations, for improvements and for change.

The more clutter we have in life the more confused and uncertain our life seems. Take the beginning of your day, how did you wake up this morning. Already planning the day while you were brushing your teeth? This is a great way to fill your empty space before the day has even started. Maybe you want to start your day tomorrow by just focusing on what you are doing. When you brush your teeth just observe how you do that, how the brush feels. When it is time to plan what you have to do on that day, just do that.

Here are a few questions that you might want to ask yourself

How much space do you have between the sounds in your life?
What area in your life you feel is too cluttered, or maybe too foggy to see clearly?
How could you start to create some empty spaces?
What are the sounds that you make? Which of them are necessary, which ones are just fillers?

I am curious what you do to get more clarity and transparency for the different areas in your life?

You might also want to read:
How to reduce distractions and stay focused
Do you know where you are going
A fresh sheet of paper

* “A man’s search for meaning”: this is Frankl’s personal essay of his imprisonment in Auschwitz and other concentration camps and describes the psychotherapeutic method that he pioneered as a result of his experiences in the concentration camps.

Believe in your abilities

Thursday, July 8th, 2010

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For years I had admired the people who made the step and created their own business. I just could not imagine doing that for myself, although I was playing with the thought. Just thinking about it was a safe game – no risks attached. However, nothing ever happened, I was safely working in my job while dreaming of how things could be different.

What I was missing was the confidence that I could actually do it. People who believe that abilities can be developed, will experience more success in life. In her book “Mindset”, psychologist Carol Dweck, describes that people who have this growth mindset find it easier to adapt, to overcome difficult times in their life and find it easier to make changes.

I certainly did not believe that I had it “in me” to set up a small business. Obviously, this has changed. But how?

I started by getting to know myself a bit better. To learn about the different parts of me. The fears, the beliefs, my ideas, my anxieties, my happiness, my dreams, my values and so on. In this process I realised that I had developed many abilities in my life, which opened countless possibilities. For instance, I moved to different countries, adapted to new cultures, learned new languages and learned how to manage the loneliness that often comes with those changes. And I know there are still so many things I want to learn and I need to learn about myself.

The more I became aware of all those skills that I have developed throughout my life, the more I knew I was also able to learn what it takes to set up business.

Recently I came across this quote by the beautiful writer Gabriel Garcia Marquez. It reflects how I see and experience life.

“… human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but … life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.”



What have you learned about yourself in the last week, last year?
What did you bring into existence in your life? How did you make this happen?

You might also want to read:
A fresh sheet of paper
Conversations with my pink elephant


Image: Wesley Fryer

5 ways to get unstuck

Tuesday, July 6th, 2010

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Last weekend at the beach this surf rescue car got stuck in the deep sand. There was no way this car was moving again without using some tools for digging. A few passersby were offering their help, but the strangest thing happened. The surf lifesaver didn’t talk to them or give them any instructions on how they could help him to get the car moving again. Those helpers left one by one, with the result that the car was still stuck in the sand, going nowhere.

This reminded me of people who get stuck and find it difficult to take actions that would help them to get going again. Whether they are in an unsatisfying job, in an unhealthy relationship, or they are stuck in habits, on ideas and beliefs. It is not that they don’t try to get out, it is just that the strategies they use don’t seem to work and therefore keep them where they are. Sometimes all is needed is a new perspective – a new point of view…

Let’s do a short exercise. Take the room that you are in right now. Stand up and take a good look around. All seems probably familiar to you. Now put your head down, like you would want to touch your feet with your hands. In case you are a yoga master you can do a hand stand. Now take another look at your room. How does the room look like to you? Maybe a bit different, up side down, the corners seem to have transformed or you even discovered something new in there?

This is what happens when we take a fresh look at something we already seem to know. One of the ways to get a new perspective is to ask a friend for help. Though effective, many don’t consider this strategy as their first choice.

Find out how you can involve a friend and four other ways to get yourself unstuck:

Ask a friend for help
Some people might say, that they don’t want to be viewed as someone who is complaining all the time. Asking a friend for help is not complaining. On the contrary, you actually tell that person what you need from her/him. When we complain, we don’t let others how they can help us.
There are three things you need to do to make this work:

    - Make sure the person you ask is willing to be open and honest.
    - Whatever her/his response and comments, don’t try to defend your point of view. Just listen and be open.
    - Be specific about what you are experiencing and how your friend can help you. Sometimes expressing your experience in words is all it takes. Other times you might want to hear your friend’s feedback.

Create a temporary change
Sometimes when we are stuck we seem to dig ourselves deeper into the sand the more we dwell on it. It helps then to just stop what you are doing and do something else. Take a walk and enjoy what you see or close your computer, turn off your phone and enjoy doing nothing for 10 minutes.

Let go
Holding on to narrow views, to wishes, to an idea, an event or even conventions can result in getting ourselves stuck. Start to become aware what you are holding on to and write those things down. This will allow you to understand which views, ideas, or beliefs keep you stuck. Then you can start to…

Find new points of view of the situation
As discussed previously, we limit our options simply by the narrow way we see it. Look at the situation that you are stuck in, like you would observe a box. Take it in your hands. Play with it, turn it up side down, to the side, further away, closer by, look at the colours in different lights, and so on. Now be just as curious with the situation that you are in. It is not always easy to actively see things that we so long kept hidden. Try it anyway. What do you have to lose. You might find a way out. Start observing and describe what you see.

Make an assessment
Write down where you are now and where you want to be. Be honest to yourself, and just write it down with the intention of changing it. It is not about wallowing in it but to learn to be honest to yourself, no matter what you are thinking or feeling.

You might also want to read:
Who is on your support team ?

How to reduce distractions and stay focused

Thursday, June 24th, 2010

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How often do you get distracted during the day? With so many things going on in your mind, a myriad of tasks to do and devices continually alerting you of incoming emails, tweets, calls, texts or friend posts, how can you stay focused?

When your attention is divided between different things at the same time it can easily throw you off-course and can get overwhelming at times. Look at design or photography. The aim is to create one focal point to direct the viewer’s attention to it. As Garr Reynolds points out: “conflicting focal points would be a distraction” as it would introduce confusion and obscure clarity.

The attention we have for something diminishes with every distraction we follow, because attention is limited. The more you switch activities the more you divide and use your attention for those distractions and transitions. How much, do you think, is left to focus on something that is important to you.

Distractions also have a rewarding side. They can relieve worries or frustrations. Though this often only lasts for a short time and worries are back again. Anything that give us some relief from uncomfortable feelings or thoughts or anything that is just in front of us seems too attractive to ignore. We tend to easily get distracted. So, what can you do to stay focused and reduce distractions.

1. Switch off any communication devices & clean your desk
This is the easiest and most effective step you can take when you want to focus on a specific project. Our brain has the tendency to focus on what is right in front of us. So switching off your devices or removing any paper or notepads from your sight, will help you to reduce distraction. Make the project your focal point. Or make dinner with your family your focal point. Just switch off your mobile or remove anything that might remind you of the tasks you still have to do.

2. Take a break
Regularly take a break from what you are doing. The key is that you do that consciously. Get up every 30 minutes, have a stretch, a small walk or learn to juggle balls.

3. Write things down
Every time you have an idea, or remember a task you need to do write it down. That way it can’t distract you anymore, as you don’t need to use any brain power to remember. When you have finished your project, you can go back to your notes and then decide if there is anything on there you need to do right now. If not, just leave it there.

4. Become aware of your internal distractions
One of the most effective ways to reduce distraction is to get to know your internal thoughts. This is a more difficult step but the most rewarding. The more you know your thoughts or your feelings in any given situation the better you can stop yourself following any urge (“I need to get that cup of coffee”). The point is that you need to inhibit the actions fast, in under half a second, which in some studies is the time between noticing an urge and the urge taking over.

So, how can you become more aware what is going on inside you:

    - Become a curious observer.
    - Stop what you are doing and take a few breaths.
    - Notice your thoughts, feelings or bodily sensations that are coming up for you right now. Say them out loud or write them down. This is helpful especially when you just start out doing this.

Do this a few times a day over the next two weeks. It seems difficult in the beginning but the more you practice the easier it gets. Observing what is coming up for you will become an automatic behaviour and it will help you to identify distractions and stay focused.

10 important questions to ask yourself

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010



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  • What direction am I heading?
  • What do I want my life to stand for?
  • What do I value in my relationship with others?
  • What sort of relationships do I want to develop?
  • What is most important to me in relation to work/home/family/friends/myself?
  • What is guiding my decisions?
  • What actions can I take that reflect my values?
  • When was the last time I made a decision based on what I believe in?
  • How do I want to act towards myself?
  • What am I doing right now?



You might also want to read:
What are you doing, right now?
What motivates you
Do you know your why?
Do you know where you are going?

Image: takomabibelot

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